College taught me not to plan

Human beings like to believe that eventually they will settle into a rhythm, a schedule of some sorts that brings comfort and calm. I guess I clarify: those human beings who have a J in our Myers-Briggs i.e. there’s a planner in my backpack at all times, and no, it’s not google calendar. I’m not that technologically capable. Maybe I could be, but I don’t begin to try because my brain must give itself the satisfaction of crossing off some inked-in event or chore. By hand.

Yes, those of us who are like*that*. We aspire to convince ourselves that eventually, life will settle into a repetition of routine: we wake up, drink our chai tea, romantically look out the window, journal out gratitudes, prepare some warm cinnamon-sugar toast, scramble our eggs, carefully pick out the outfit that layers colors and textures all while listening to the “Waking up to a Warm Latte” Spotify playlist. Life is slow and deliberate.

I hate to break it to you, but after years of striving to force that perfectly mindful mindset in which we float through our day, building night routines and afternoon traditions, I think I am going to call BS.

Because what I’ve grown to learn is that each day is incredibly different. In theory, perfected wake-ups sound dreamy until you have to stay up until 1:30AM studying and wake up with ten minutes before your first class. Screw the dang chai. At this point, putting on a somewhat matching outfit and brushing my teeth will be a miracle of a morning routine.

Nevertheless, I find myself becoming frustrated. Why can’t I commit? Am I not disciplined enough to establish some sense of calm in my life? Don’t I just need to try harder?

The answer (surprise surprise) is no.

Because the only constant life throws at us is change. Until we can find the comfort in accepting life as it comes, we will continue to chase after a crazy feat. Until we can learn to make the most with what we have in the day – do what we can at each given moment – we will be stuck in a trap of disappointment over trying to control the uncontrollable.

So no, chai in the morning is not ridiculous when the alarm actually goes off early enough yet still at an hour your body can bare getting out of bed. Please stare out the window when you can. Journal if that pen calls your name, obsessing over the idea of a thought release.

Do with you life what you can when your life permits you doing it.

But please, don’t beat yourself up over a routine that can’t be established because you woke up ten minutes before class or it’s too late to read before bed or that coffee with a friend can’t happen at the same time each week.

If college has taught me anything it’s this: 95% of the time people don’t really know what is going on, even the adults. We are all just doing our best. Rather than getting caught up in making the plan for the day perfect, be aware of the reality of the day. Let your body and spirit pull itself towards what is going to be. And then, engage in what you have been pulled to.

We can still have a mindful mindset. We can still float through the day. We can smile at the lady ringing up our food, ask her how her grandchildren are. We can read the chapter for class with curiosity, even if it’s 12:37AM, and you promised yourself you would be done by 11. We can grab dinner with friends and sit on couches of a fourth floor lounge, no matter the essay that’s due tomorrow morning. We can appreciate the events that happen by chance, the ones not inked into a planner.

For they are just as (if not more) valuable.

Much love,

Chloé